Health & Wellness

Hundreds of stylists shared their experiences with grief behind the chair. Here's the advice they wish someone had given them sooner. When BTC asked the community about returning to work while grieving, hundreds of comments poured in from hairdressers who had lost parents, spouses, children, siblings, friends and clients. Some went back after a few days. Others took weeks or months. Some found healing behind the chair. Others discovered they weren't ready. While every experience was different, several themes surfaced again and again. Here's what hairdressers wish they knew before returning to work after a loss. There Is No "Right" Time To Go Back One of the biggest lessons from the BTC community? There is no universal timeline for grief. Some stylists wished they had taken more time away from work. “I went back to work days after losing my dad. It was a distraction and comforting in some ways. Reflecting on it a year later, I would have given myself a little more time.” — hair_by_camille_savage “I lost my 25-year-old son tragically and I only took off a week. I can say I wish I had taken off more time… grief occupies your mind 99% of the time in the early days and I had to pretend I was fine. That was another heavy burden.” — 1096tracylk Others found comfort in returning to their routines. “For me personally, it was a lot easier working than being home.” — 20pureblood20 “I lost both my parents in under 1 year. I was contemplating going back after each passing. I'm glad I did. It's been good for my mind.” — mosaiccristina The takeaway? The right timeline is the one that works for you. Work Can Be Healing—And Exhausting One of the most surprising patterns in the comments was how often stylists described work as both helpful and difficult. “This has absolutely been one of the most challenging things to do. Therapeutic some days and emotionally exhausting others.” — amymelonie “I found going back therapeutic. Everyone has to do what is best for themselves.” — suezq.1792 “I cried just about every day for a solid month behind the chair. My clients and partner were so supportive. I think it may have been therapeutic to be back in there.” — sarahcolehair Many described work as a welcome distraction, until it wasn't. And that's normal. People Will Surprise You Again and again, commenters talked about the unexpected support they received. From coworkers. From clients. Even from people they barely knew. “My clients helped me on some of the hardest days.” — mandyaustin10 “My guests were compassionate, kind and caring. They sent cards, brought memory gifts and a few showed up for their appointments not to get their hair done but simply to be with me.” — Tracie Zemlock Francart “I had lots of support from clients and coworkers. When my son passed, I talked to many clients who had experienced losing an adult child and they gave me comfort.” — Hairbydorothyk1 For many stylists, those relationships became an unexpected source of healing. Not Everyone Will Understand While many stories centered on support, some commenters shared the opposite experience. “I did lose a lot of clients afterwards. A lot of people don't want to be around that grief. It shocked me.” — Heather Malovic “There are some people who like to kick you when you're down and others that are very supportive. Most don't understand unless they've been through it.” — hairby_r.avalonsalon Several stylists said grief revealed who would truly show up for them, and who wouldn't. As painful as that realization can be, many said it ultimately helped them see which relationships mattered most. You Don't Have To Be "On" Hairdressers spend their careers creating experiences for others, but many commenters emphasized that grief changes what's possible. “When you aren't feeling it, don't feel like you have to be ‘on.’ It's OK to be silent and tell your clients you're in your feelings and aren't as enthusiastic as you usually are.” — roni.gulbeyan Others found themselves setting boundaries around what they wanted to discuss. “I would send out a text prior to appointments and say, ‘I appreciate hugs and prayers. I would like to have our conversations about you, your hair and fun and fluff.’” — Heather Malovic Several stylists said letting go of the pressure to perform was one of the most important parts of healing. Don't Isolate Yourself If there was one piece of advice that appeared repeatedly, it was this: Let people help you. “Do not isolate. Tell your friends and family to check in on you, no matter if you don't respond to them.” — a.fucking.hair.stylist “Use your tribe. Grief groups work. It comes in waves.” — taravictoriaqueen Many commenters said support systems became essential, not because they made grief disappear, but because they made it easier to carry. Give Yourself Grace Perhaps the most powerful lesson from BTC's community is that grief doesn't follow a schedule. Some days you'll feel strong, some days you won't. Some appointments will feel normal, others won't. “I lost my mother and grandfather the same year. I've yet to go back to full time. I feel burnt out now even part time.” — Samantha Timbrook “After a loss your soul and spirit are different.” — hairlegacynatomas And that's OK. Because if hundreds of hairdressers agreed on one thing, it's this: You don't have to navigate grief perfectly. You just have to keep taking it one appointment at a time.