Hi!  After all the advice and coments I have made, I finally have my own dilemma I need help with. 

For the past 5 years my partner and I have taken our staff to dinner for Christmas.  Usually this takes place about the 1st week of Dec so we do not interrupt any other holiday parties.  It has always just been us.  A nice quiet dinner where we exchange gifts and if we are able, we give bonuses to our stylists and receptionist.

Here is the problem:

A few people are contemplating not coming because their husband or boyfriend is not invited.

This is a simple dinner, not a huge party.  Just a chance for us to chill and hang out which we never do at work because we are always so busy.

Now, I am offended and don't want to have the dinner at all.  At first I was going to suggest going to lunch.  But my partner is so irritated he doesn't want to do anything.  I just feel that we were trying to be nice and a few people decided to make drama out of the whole situation.  I am even considering NOT buying those $100 clippers for them or giving them their bonus.  I don't know.  What do you think?

Just to let you know.  I am married with 5 kids and my partner is engaged.  So it's not like we are single and trying to be all bah humbug to them and their loved ones.

thank u... I feel the love....

p.s.  I am leaning towards having the dinner anyway.  Whoever shows up, shows up.  I think that will show who the real team players are, who has gratitude, who knows proper etiquette (with regards to being invited somewhere), and who knows how to separate business from pleasure.  It's not a BBQ at my house for goodness sake, it is a WORK related dinner. 

Sorry for venting my frustrations but I am so IRRITATED I cannot begin to make anyone feel the lack of appreciation I am feeling right now, the disappointment and the lack of respect.

Invite them to the dinner like always- if any decline then say: "Oh that's too bad, we'll miss you."  Do not let anyone railroad you with their views and feelings. What you are doing is a nice thing to do and if they don't appreciate that- then tough for them.

If any of the ones you were going to reward with a prize do not come- then put their prize on their station for them to get the following day. Don't take personal offense at their disrespectful personal offense at your dinner. It's their problem- not yours. You just go about your way and not change a thing- they'll see that "oh, this is the way it is!" and they will get over it.

hmmmm  I am torn between m2 and Alesia and have been since yesterday.  On one hand I feel like, why spend the money when I am so NOT appreciated?  I mean gifts really aren't expected anyway.  On the other hand I would love to pile on the guilt and also not lower myself to their level.  I didn't have a good nights sleep last night and I am angry at myself for getting so wound up about it.  We will have the dinner as planned.  We will decide after that what to do about the bonuses and gifts.  Bonuses are a thank you not only for work, but team effort......

What in the hell do gifts and bonuses have to do with dinner? They don't want to go, get over it. Who are you to tell them what they will and will not do on their time? If I was one of your employees and read this after I decided that I would go, I wouldn't.  You base bonuses and gifts on a dinner? How petty is that. Bonuses are supposed to be based on your work and efforts NOT personal time.

Now...That being said...what I would do is have the gift exchange at dinner for who does show up and leave the rest out. They can have a card. LOL  Have a drawing for the clippers, and have some extra prizes for 2nd, 3rd, etc. Dryers, brushes, bath & body, candles, or whatever, and work it that way. Everybody likes games and prizes. It relaxes the dinner and relieves stress.

My husbands 1/2 assed company does the- 1 f#cks it up and the rest of them get screwed. They think it shows incentive, it doesn't. All that shows is how 1/2 assed the company really is.

They don't want to go to dinner? So be it. They can sit at home

Oh and now that I've read crickets post We did the name in the bag drawing and the owners were part of it as well. This way everyone only have one person to buy for.

Ok, no need to get nasty.  YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT. 

We do the $25 gift exchange (everyone) in addition to bonuses and gifts from us.

It's not that they DONT want to go, its the f!@#$%@#$ ed up reason of WHY.  I have dinner almost every day with my family, it's not everyday I have dinner with my staff.  I feel like some people feel that they have to have their heads sticking out of their man's a$$.  The gifts/bonuses have to do with dinner because I AM BEING NICE BY TAKING THEM TO DINNER AND THEY ARE BEING PETTY BY WANTING THEIR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND WHO-ISNT-EVEN-A-FREAKING-HUSBAND THERE WITH THEM... for what to feed them like a baby?  The whole gift thing was YES to show how much I appreciate them as a person, not just a stylist or employee.  They come back with LACK OF APRRECIATION by CAUSING FREAKING DRAMA ABOUT A FREAKING DINNER.

A LOT of companies DO NOT allow spouses to come to the COMPANY DINNER.  I am not alone in my reasons for wanting it this way.  There are two stylists I don't know as well as I could and this is one way of getting to know them.  If there are other people there, it defeats the purpose.  I am NOT inviting MY husband and then saying NO YOU CAN'T BRING YOURS.

It would be one thing if someone didn't want to go because they didn't feel like it, or they had something else to do.  We would have done all necessary to make everyone happy.  If it were not unanimous, we would have settled on lunch or even catered in lunch to have while we worked.

 We ALL agreed on the date....We ALL agreed where we would go.  We already RESERVED the restaurant... Now I have to deal with, "well if I can't bring so and so I don't know if I can come"  NOW THAT IS JUST BULL SHIT.

"Never let your clients ability to pay limit your ability to earn." Robert Cromeans...

I'm not sure that I understand these 'pearls of wisdom' from Mr. Cromagnon... 

Does he mean 'never let your client(')s (let's get that punctuation correct while we we are about it) INABILITY  to pay?

That makes sense...whereas the former means that 'no matter how much the client can pay'   ...

See the difference?      

Nasty about what exactly?

They want to invite their own guests then they can have their own party, NOT invade yours. I know what the point is. We had that issue last year only it was a NON-employee that some of the stylists didn't like, and said weren't coming if she did. She's my friend and I had issues with it because it was a staff party not a hangout party. 

I thought that "STAFF" get together would be common sense but evidently not to everyone. seeing in your case too. Did they think that just out of the blue they could just invite their own guests to dinner and that everyone else was cool with this? Why would they even think that? That's beyond rude.

britboy:  I will explain the saying.  It means:

Do not let the fact that a client cannot afford you limit what you feel you are worth.  If you feel you are worth $100 a haircut, there ARE clients that will pay.  If you are worth $200 a haircut, there ARE clients that will pay.  Do NOT settle for $50 because someone cannot pay.  There IS a stylist in existance that WILL take the $50 client.  There ARE clients only willing to pay $10.  Let them go to the stylists that charges that buy by NO MEANS tell yourself you are not worth what you charge.  If you lower your prices to accomodate people, what are you REALLY worth?

ill get back to my xmas issue later...

We have our salon holiday party and the hubands come also. Everyone pays for their own dinner and drinks. We have a gift exchange. I give gifts to each of the other BR's on christmas eve. Everthing works out great.

Hot-locks stick with your orginal plan. Why change direction in the middle of the stream...

Tell them you all can get together another time like between christmas and new years to socialize and have drinks.

Just my opinion..

\cheers

You need to know the rules...

 before you can break them.

Thank you all for your replies.  The following is a message I left on our board in the breakroom:

After a lot of thought and consideration we have decided to go on with the dinner as originally planned.  We eat dinner almost every night of our lives with our families, but only once a year do we all have dinner together with our staff - to celebrate Christmas, the year that has past, and our future.  It is also a time for us to get to know eachother better.  No offense was intended and we sincerely hope to see you all there.

If they come, they come.  I am not going to let anyones lack of etiquette or rational ruin my holiday.

No It doesn't mean that at all, as I explained it only means that if it says the client's INability...By saying the client's Ability, it means what I said, that no matter how much the client can pay...see the difference?

I know that Vallygrrl doesn't because she thinks it's just too 'deep' for me to get, whereas in actual fact, it's meaning is incorrect unless my version is used.

Sometimes I take the phrase to mean: Don't undercharge the client- they will pay. Too often people in this field take an emotional approach to pricing ourselves. "If my prices are high no one will come to me."

And other times I take it to mean: Don't get stagnant just because your clients are paying top dollar for you. Just because you have achieved "success" does not mean it will stay that way if you choose to stop learning.

I've never felt that the word needs to be inability because of the caliber of profits for which RC is deriving from his work. He has people who pay unbelievable amounts to him for a haircut. So he could stop & say "I've arrived!" So many in this field do that and they stop taking classes and they stop keeping up and they become stagnant. We all know in life some hairdresser that this has happened to.

I have to agree with Statik on the stapling.  I won't say the idiotic part, but it was most definitely a stretch.  kind of like, "let's see how many people we can get to do this ridiculous technique!  Statik hit it on the head when he talked about RC's ability to inspire.

Brit:  You are completely WRONG about the Inability. It is in fact Ability.  Every client has an ability to pay someone.  It just might not be you- according to their ability.  Everyone is able.  What they are able to do, depends on you, if they are going to be your client.

what does this have to do with my xmas dinner problems???

Lol, that's what I was trying to figure out, hot locks. I figured I missed something because I'm sleepy. 

If you are footing the bill for this dinner, I also think it is rude that they expect you to add a few more guests to the tab.  You sound like you do a lot of nice things for them, maybe they are spoiled, lol.

I would just go through with the dinner, have a great time and let the ones who showed tell the people who declined how much fun they missed. 

Thanks to everyone!  I wish you all a great holiday and of course a HUGE MONEY MAKING MONTH!  good luck!

p.s.  Let's change the subject for a sec

Any freaky xmas gifts yet?  Me just tips so far, a couple $20 tips

I hope I get some Sees Candies.. but then again my hips don't...

Well I dont know how many threads that I have read now that have turned into heated disscussions about RC. Maybe you two should start your own thread to duke it out on the subject. Dont get me wrong I get a kick out of it but I'm sure its a little frustrating to the people that are just trying to get suggestions and help from other stylists. Brit I think that you just like to get Vally all riled up.

To hot_locks I hope that you have an excellent time at your dinner. I havent gotten any weird gifts yet but I will definately let you know if I do. I did have a lady bring me a bunch of candy that she made though. Lots of fudge!

vally, you could have added what your xmas gift was.. jk 

ahh I can see the fudge now.... eehhthaaaaanks

( a $20 would have done just fine)

Thank you for the well wishes?  So far only 4 of us are going.  Too bad for everyone else as I think we are upgrading the restaurant-might as well!  Still contemplating those bonuses... It's not like we made a ton of money this year.  I have a handful of stylists that regularly turn down walk-ins because it deters their plans of going home at a certain time.  Then they come back with, I am not making any money!  what is THAT about?  We turn down approx 10 clients a week.  My partner and I don't like taking walk ins as we are already so busy- how lucky for them!  But for whatever reason, they are NOT THERE when the clients walk in.  Time to hire more people I think.  Then they will get mad if we do that.....

ahh you see the small part of my problem!  It SUCKS!